And so it continues.....

Happy New Year! I have been m.i.a. for a while, but that was just due to the end of the year craziness. I have many posts to publish. Yet, I am still debating about whether I should just post them all at once or trickle them out. Well, I guess we'll just have to see....


This is not the tone I want to set for the new year, but I feel compelled to make a public announcement:


I am starting to think non-fat people think fat people have poor eyesight because why else would they feel the need to remind us that we are fat EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF THE DAY???!!!! It is as though we can't see and feel for ourselves????


Rewind to this morning. I boiled 6 eggs as I have always only eaten the white of boiled eggs. I don't care for yolks unless the eggs are sunny side up. Moving on...before I can even start to eat, a family member proceeds to tell me I cannot eat all of those eggs. I snap back "oh yes I can". I do not explain right away that I am just eating egg whites because I am sick and tired of having to give a play by play of everything I eat. For Christ sake, if I did desire to eat 6 whole eggs I certainly wouldn't be so stupid as to do it right in front of family members. In any case, as you can tell I blew my top and yelled, "I am XX years old! You don't even realize that I am just going to eat egg whites!!!!!!!!" etc. etc. A part of me did feel bad at yelling, but it had to be done.


You see part of this wretched cycle of food addiction (for me at least) is that when someone starts micromanaging what I eat, I have this almost uncontrollable reaction to get out of the house and binge....... The only person I spite by doing this is myself, but even when I was 80 pounds lighter than I am now, it was still the same thing. Never ending micromanagement about what I eat. Oh and no this is not a convenient excuse to go out and eat fast food. I have this problem round the clock, but I have noticed the true binge eating is triggered by conflicts like this.


Later this morning another family member said to me you are going to be more active this year right? I then said to them "Let's not go there." They immediately got angry and defensive... as if I hurt them (and if I did... when it comes to this issue I don't care if their feelings are hurt) This  same person told me I needed to lose weight even when I was 80 pounds lighter and could shop in regular sizes.


I guess what I am trying to say is: To people everywhere, fat people know they are fat!!!! Trust me we do! In fact we really really do. You know what else? You telling us that we can't eat something or that we need to be more active doesn't do a damn thing to make us (or rather me) lose weight.


In sum: FAT PEOPLE KNOW THEY ARE FAT.